Tyler Durden (Owen Cook) -How to meet women by changing habits

I noticed a pattern recently about how I implement habits.
Here is how I implement a habit:
Usually I’ll get some idea of some over-the-top thing that I need to accomplish.
So possibly I weigh 120 pounds & I need to make the college rugby team. Or possibly I’ve had failing grades all through high school & I need to get in to the best college. Or possibly I can’t obtain woman & I select to be a Pickup artist. I’ve had tons of these.
i’ve the general principle that while I’m not that smart, I know that most other people aren’t that smart either. Or , its not that people aren’t that smart, but  that most people walk through life in a trance & usually don’t break out of their habits. They  listen to what other people tell them & aren’t willing to look at the finer details of things, so it is easy to get to the top of any field in case you are willing to do that. Everyone thinks that there’s all these conspiracies & tremendous ways that people do things, but usually the top guys are  as disorganized as the average dudes on the street. It’s like kids at top colleges who pay three figures to attend school. You’d think that they’d show up to class, but they don’t show up any over the kids in cheaper schools. Human habit is human habit. I figure that there is pretty much no limit of what level I can reach so long as i’ve an idea of what the top level looks like. In fact, I assume that I can surpass it before I even start.
Owen Cook with girls
First I will get an idea of what I’m trying to accomplish & what will be involved.
From there, I select what I’ll must do to get to that point. I figure how long it will take, & the habit that I’ll must integrate on a DAY TO DAY.
This is what I think about PROACTIVE & LOGICAL reasoning. I don’t wait until some girl dumps me to start going out when I’m emotionally compelled, & then cease going out when I feel better about myself. that is REACTIVE.
At that point I FULLY ACCEPT that this is what I will be doing. I also am unlikely to change my designs, as I tend to think that if I can’t trust myself to stick to one area then I can’t trust myself to stick to my next area, so there if I’m going to be like that then there’s no point in even beginning anything.
Instead, I figure to myself, “Alright, I must go out 3-7 nights a week for around five years. Fine.”
The large thing for me, is that I will get out there whether the conditions are ideal or not. So if I’m not dressed properly, I will still get out there. If I’m not feeling well, I’ll  go out for a bit & come home to keep the habit. I do the same thing in the gym if i’ve not slept properly or if i am busy or sick. If I know that I’m  tired to obtain a nice workout I’ll still show up & push through it. If I’m  busy then I’ll  rush through it & won’t worry about eating before or after. & if I’m sick then I’ll at least show up to the gym & stretch.
I don’t think about these things. I  accept them.
So in an area like pickup, in case you are beginning off as a total dork like I was then it is pretty much going to be zero progress for a few months. You will go out & people will be  unresponsive & hard on you. It won’t change for a  long time either, because the more you’re getting rejected the more you’re feeling shitty. The only and side is that you’re learning that you won’t die, which is actually pretty important.
Now the large thing when you start something new is that progress is going to be non-existent at first & will go up in a j-curve in case you can make it through the initial pain. Most people quit because beginning something is  hard & usually feels directionless for a  long time. the fellows who make it through that initial part will finally get to a level where progress is  rapid & noticeable, & for them it will become a hobby & fun. But at first it is purely banging your head against the wall to make the most minuscule advancements. Not fun.
The way I get through it is literally BLIND FAITH. I will figure out what the basic training is & do it OVER AN OVER, irrespective of whether or not I obtain a result.
When you start anything, whether sports or dance or music, it will probably be pretty embaressing & painful. You’ll be around individuals who have it all figured out, & their neural connections will be fine tuned from what looks like boundless repetition. You’ll see this, & it will  give you a headache. Literally, for me, I see this kind of thing & I feel nauseous because it is so intimidating.
A large part of this is that i’ve NO OUTCOME for a  long time. My only outcome is to get my ass out of the house & to wherever I’m supposed to be. My criteria for success isn’t how well I did. It’s IF I SHOWED UP & did what I was supposed to do. My expectations of myself are  low.
I read posts on here about guys in the field for three months & frustrated that they aren’t getting results, & I  don’t relate to why they’re finding this to be unusual. When I took my first workshop I was getting laid, but I had a major social fear of clubs & my aim was to learn how to game girls in that surroundings. It took me a few months to get my first club makeout but I seldom thought anything of it. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to be one of these guys who comes on a month later & says “I still haven’t gotten laid.” I was told that it would take me three months to get “passably not lame,” & I took that at face value. There was no way after I spent all that funds & time that I wasn’t going to go out & do what the man told me to do. That would have devalidated the whole thing. To be honest, although I learned a lot on the program, I couldn’t keep in mind crap afterwards because the whole thing was shocking like a whirlwind. The large thing I took from it was INSPIRATION & CONFIRMATION THAT IT WAS feasible. That was ALL I needed to get nice.
The system went on for years, but now i’ve the exact result that I need.
First I learned how to open in a club surroundings. OK, got that. Then how to hook attention for thirty seconds. Ok, got that. Then how to tell tales. OK, got that. Then how to tease & generate sexual tension. OK, got that. Then how to obtain a number. OK, got that. Then I noticed all of them flaked. OK, scrap everything, back to the drawing board. Then how to deliver it better. OK, got better reactions. Then how to slow it the shag down to get the same reactions without being a dancing monkey. OK, got that. Each of these took weeks or months at a time.
Jlaix & I were speaking, & they was like “Dude, my skills are in like the stratosphere lately. It’s getting so nice it’s scary.” I was like “Think about it. keep in mind back in the day when they were dorks, & they were like ‘all they must do is go out for three months & we’ll be decent’? three months appeared like forever back then, but now three months breezes by like its nothing, & every time that happens our skills are going up at the same rate that they were back in the day. The improvement keeps compiling & that’s why these results are showing up.”
Guys say to me “Wow, you had such dedication” & I can’t relate to that. To me, that’s like telling a kid who goes to play basketball after school for a few years that they has dedication. It wasn’t dedication. It was a system. A habit. A hobby. I made the time for it in my life, & I seldom worried about how well I was doing. I assumed with blind faith that everything would take care of itself if I  kept going out & meeting people to get advice on how I was doing.
When you implement a habit, you’re thinking about the outcome & how hard the training is. So you go through the one night & because its one of your first nights you keep in mind every detail & it looks like a lifetime. & then you think “Six more months of THIS? Or a YEAR?!”
in case you think back to the last three months or a year, it looks like nothing. That time passes so rapid. You get older & decades start to fly by.
To me, it comes down to this: 1-Get an idea of what you need. 2-Formulate a plan of how often you need to show up to get there. 3-Accept that your new activity is an element of your life for the period of the time you’ve decided, & seldom select based on emotions if you’re going to show up or not.  show up. 4-Don’t worry if you’re getting results,  stick to the plan with blind faith, & make your criteria for success  to show up. 5-Make it a hobby, look at the details critically without taking advice dogmatically, & take the initiative to shift the focus of your training when your intuition tells you that it might help.
But that’s the wrong thinking. If you’re thinking like that there is no way you’ll get anywhere. The point is to  keep going out & not try to get results.  go out & do your exercises & it will come naturally. Don’t think of it as “Six more months.” think “This is what I’m doing now. My day consists of this now. This is my lifestyle.”
Don’t focus on chasing outcome. Focus on sticking to habits. Make your criteria for success in case you stuck to the habit.
Anyway, hopefully that was helpful to some people.
in case you liked this, you’ll love what they have for you here.

I noticed a pattern recently about how I implement habits.
Here is how I implement a habit.
Usually I’ll get some idea of some over the top thing that I need to accomplish.
So possibly I weigh 120 pounds & I need to make the college footy team. Or possibly I’ve had failing grades all through high school & I need to get in to the best college. Or possibly I can’t obtain a missus & I select to be a PUA. i’ve tons of these.
i’ve the general principle that while I’m not that smart, I know that most other people aren’t that smart either. Or , its not that people aren’t that smart, but  that most people walk through life in a trance & usually don’t break out of their habits. They  listen to what other people tell them & aren’t willing to look at the finer details of things, so it is easy to get to the top of any field in case you are willing to do that. Everyone thinks that there’s all these conspiracies & tremendous ways that people do things, but usually the top guys are  as disorganized as the average dudes on the street. It’s like kids at top colleges who pay three figures to attend school. You’d think that they’d show up to class, but they don’t show up any over the kids in cheaper schools. Human habit is human habit. I figure that there is pretty much no limit of what level I can reach so long as i’ve an idea of what the top level looks like. In fact, I assume that I can surpass it before I even start.
First I will get an idea of what I’m trying to accomplish & what will be involved.
From there, I select what I’ll must do to get to that point. I figure how long it will take, & the habit that I’ll must integrate on a DAY TO DAY.
This is what I think about PROACTIVE & LOGICAL reasoning. I don’t wait until some girl dumps me to start going out when I’m emotionally compelled, & then cease going out when I feel better about myself. that is REACTIVE.
At that point I FULLY ACCEPT that this is what I will be doing. I also am unlikely to change my designs, as I tend to think that if I can’t trust myself to stick to one area then I can’t trust myself to stick to my next area, so there if I’m going to be like that then there’s no point in even beginning anything.
Instead, I figure to myself, “Alright, I must go out 3-7 nights a week for around five years. Fine.”
The large thing for me, is that I will get out there whether the conditions are ideal or not. So if I’m not dressed properly, I will still get out there. If I’m not feeling well, I’ll  go out for a bit & come home to keep the habit. I do the same thing in the gym if i’ve not slept properly or if i am busy or sick. If I know that I’m  tired to obtain a nice workout I’ll still show up & push through it. If I’m  busy then I’ll  rush through it & won’t worry about eating before or after. & if I’m sick then I’ll at least show up to the gym & stretch.
I don’t think about these things. I  accept them.
So in an area like pickup, in case you are beginning off as a total dork like I was then it is pretty much going to be zero progress for a few months. You will go out & people will be  unresponsive & hard on you. It won’t change for a  long time either, because the more you’re getting rejected the more you’re feeling shitty. The only and side is that you’re learning that you won’t die, which is actually pretty important.
Now the large thing when you start something new is that progress is going to be non-existent at first & will go up in a j-curve in case you can make it through the initial pain. Most people quit because beginning something is  hard & usually feels directionless for a  long time. the fellows who make it through that initial part will finally get to a level where progress is  rapid & noticeable, & for them it will become a hobby & fun. But at first it is purely banging your head against the wall to make the most minuscule advancements. Not fun.
The way I get through it is literally BLIND FAITH. I will figure out what the basic training is & do it OVER AN OVER, irrespective of whether or not I obtain a result.
When you start anything, whether sports or dance or music, it will probably be pretty embaressing & painful. You’ll be around individuals who have it all figured out, & their neural connections will be fine tuned from what looks like boundless repetition. You’ll see this, & it will  give you a headache. Literally, for me, I see this kind of thing & I feel nauseous because it is so intimidating.
A large part of this is that i’ve NO OUTCOME for a  long time. My only outcome is to get my ass out of the house & to wherever I’m supposed to be. My criteria for success isn’t how well I did. It’s IF I SHOWED UP & did what I was supposed to do. My expectations of myself are  low.
I read posts on here about guys in the field for three months & frustrated that they aren’t getting results, & I  don’t relate to why they’re finding this to be unusual. When I took my first workshop I was getting laid, but I had a major social fear of clubs & my aim was to learn how to game girls in that surroundings. It took me a few months to get my first club makeout but I seldom thought anything of it. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to be one of these guys who comes on a month later & says “I still haven’t gotten laid.” I was told that it would take me three months to get “passably not lame,” & I took that at face value. There was no way after I spent all that funds & time that I wasn’t going to go out & do what the man told me to do. That would have devalidated the whole thing. To be honest, although I learned a lot on the program, I couldn’t keep in mind crap afterwards because the whole thing was shocking like a whirlwind. The large thing I took from it was INSPIRATION & CONFIRMATION THAT IT WAS feasible. That was ALL I needed to get nice.
The system went on for years, but now i’ve the exact result that I need.
First I learned how to open in a club surroundings. OK, got that. Then how to hook attention for thirty seconds. Ok, got that. Then how to tell tales. OK, got that. Then how to tease & generate sexual tension. OK, got that. Then how to obtain a number. OK, got that. Then I noticed all of them flaked. OK, scrap everything, back to the drawing board. Then how to deliver it better. OK, got better reactions. Then how to slow it the shag down to get the same reactions without being a dancing monkey. OK, got that. Each of these took weeks or months at a time.
Jlaix & I were speaking, & they was like “Dude, my skills are in like the stratosphere lately. It’s getting so nice it’s scary.” I was like “Think about it. keep in mind back in the day when they were dorks, & they were like ‘all they must do is go out for three months & we’ll be decent’? three months appeared like forever back then, but now three months breezes by like its nothing, & every time that happens our skills are going up at the same rate that they were back in the day. The improvement keeps compiling & that’s why these results are showing up.”
Guys say to me “Wow, you had such dedication” & I can’t relate to that. To me, that’s like telling a kid who goes to play basketball after school for a few years that they has dedication. It wasn’t dedication. It was a system. A habit. A hobby. I made the time for it in my life, & I seldom worried about how well I was doing. I assumed with blind faith that everything would take care of itself if I  kept going out & meeting people to get advice on how I was doing.
When you implement a habit, you’re thinking about the outcome & how hard the training is. So you go through the one night & because its one of your first nights you keep in mind every detail & it looks like a lifetime. & then you think “Six more months of THIS? Or a YEAR?!”
in case you think back to the last three months or a year, it looks like nothing. That time passes so rapid. You get older & decades start to fly by.
To me, it comes down to this: 1-Get an idea of what you need. 2-Formulate a plan of how often you need to show up to get there. 3-Accept that your new activity is an element of your life for the period of the time you’ve decided, & seldom select based on emotions if you’re going to show up or not.  show up. 4-Don’t worry if you’re getting results,  stick to the plan with blind faith, & make your criteria for success  to show up. 5-Make it a hobby, look at the details critically without taking advice dogmatically, & take the initiative to shift the focus of your training when your intuition tells you that it might help.
But that’s the wrong thinking. If you’re thinking like that there is no way you’ll get anywhere. The point is to  keep going out & not try to get results.  go out & do your exercises & it will come naturally. Don’t think of it as “Six more months.” think “This is what I’m doing now. My day consists of this now. This is my lifestyle.”
Don’t focus on chasing outcome. Focus on sticking to habits. Make your criteria for success in case you stuck to the habit.
Anyway, hopefully that was helpful to some people.
in case you liked this, you’ll love what they have for you here.