Use the DENNIS System to pick up women – (PUA tactics)


  • The D.E.N.N.I.S system is revealed to be an acronym:
    • Demonstrate value (show her you are worth her time)
    • Engage physically (begin seduction)
    • Nurture dependence
    • Neglect emotionally
    • Inspire hope
    • Separate entirely (GTFO!!!)

The DENNIS system

It is not quite as simple as it seems. The first step is usually a lie (in this example, since Dennis’ target is a pharmacist, Dennis fills a prescription for his fake, dying grandmother) and the 2nd step is only accomplished through complex trickery. And it’s at step 3 where his reliance on Mac turns up again. When Dennis brings his prey home, Mac (donning “smart guy” glasses and reading a book) refuses to leave the living room couch (ostensibly because there is a black widow spider in his room), forcing Dennis to move the date to his bedroom, where he easily seals the deal.


  • Later we learn the M.A.C. system, the acronym:
    • Move in
    • After
    • Completion
  • And finally Frank’s system, SCRAPS!, which is not an acronym.
“The D.E.N.N.I.S. System” was lighter on laughs than last week but had an amusingly intricate plot (something that’s rare for Sunny), and a  fantastic, disgusting denouement (something that’s very common, but always very welcome). Best of all, though, it took Dennis and it gave him an easel on which to explain his system for attracting ladies through cute acronyms and foolish slogans. It felt like a warped, disturbing take on Barney Stinson from How I Met Your father:  than the pickup artist being soulless but still loveable, they was soulless and, well, pathetic. and, of coursework, hilarious.
I was less than taken when it was  Dennis telling us how they beds ladies (he tricks them in to thinking he’s useful and lovely, then sleeps with them, keeps his distance, reunites for one last bang and abandons them forever). sure, the opening presentation had some gems, mostly Dennis’ nasty stalker voice (“WELCOME TO HELL…AHAHAHA”), his creepy look in to the camera after forging prescriptions and the Top Gun sex scene with a blue curtain and more licking than actual kissing. But sociopaths like this are a dime-a-dozen on TV.
It got much more fun when they started fooling around with the concept, introducing a food-chain of sex that features Mac swooping in on the ladies Dennis discards, with Frank getting to plough any of the most pathetic scraps who linger after that. Mac dons a pair of reading glasses and plays the sensitive intellectual; Frank waves a clip of hundreds and a box of Magnum condoms around, “thus demonstrating that i have a monster dong.”
“It’s a delicate ecosystem,” Mac admits. It works because it’s very absurd, while simultaneously making a odd kind of sense, and not  with these guys, but any pack of weirdo fratboys you’ve ever known that had one good-looking man and a bunch of dorks around him that the dumber girls got deflected onto. Also, the sight of Mac in the glasses/sweater vest combo is something they require to see again, I feel.
At the same time, Dennis’ system wreaks havoc with Dee’s mind, as they assumes her dummy fella Ben (who they last saw in the wrestling ep) is only together with her, and obeying her every command, as some kind of alternative version of D.E.N.N.I.S. Clearly Dennis has never seen Scrubs, where that actor played the exact same sweetheart moron character, one that they will likely play for the remainder of his life. There’s something about his vacant grin.
Dee decides to show her independence from his thoughtful and selfless attempts to make her happy, and falls down a hill in lieu. Kaitlin Olsen always steps up whenever they humiliate Dee like this – there’s no actress on TV who’ll make those odd animal noises and make her face look as drained and grotesque. It’s always funny, but I preferred Ben’s lunatic ignorance of  how repulsive Dee is, right until the last second of the show (when they chirps, “you’re a mean person!”). So what if they gets his face painted like a turtle. The dude likes turtles!
Better still was Charlie’s attempts to adopt Dennis’ system to woo the waitress. I’m glad they didn’t try to shoehorn him in to the food-chain of sex in some way, because Charlie’s  idiosyncratically obsessed with the waitress for me to handle the concept of him getting sex from somebody else (except maybe Frank). In trying to show his usefulness, they breaks in to her house, disassembles her sink, and has a whole bag of hair prepared for step five (is they going to clog the drains, or is it something more nasty than that?).
Dennis takes everyone to the fair, where she thinks she will find the solution to everyone’s issues. she’s Mac bring the pharmacist there so she can meet his “grandma,” some poor elderly wheelchair-bound lady who enjoys speaking about her family’s history of lesbianism. The girl isn’t purchasing the act to start with, but things only worsen when Frank, pretends to be a doctor and inexplicably announces that Dennis has “the HIV.”
Obviously, Charlie can’t be bothered with anyone’s table scraps, as his heart still belongs to The Waitress. His bastardization of The D.E.N.N.I.S. System begins by often breaking into her apartment to shove hair into her rubbish disposal, so that she can break in again to fix it. For some reason, The Waitress doesn’t see Charlie as the hero she was trying to explain, and she kicks him out. However, Charlie did find out one important piece of information – The Waitress has a second job at the fair.
Unable to show his value to The Waitress at the speedy pitch game, Charlie gets a carnie to try to stab her so that she can swoop in and save her. However, she ends up stabbing Dee with a key after she tries flirting with him to make her fella jealous. As usual, everyone ends up alone and Dennis is positively angry over the gang’s misuse of his system.
Charlie’s desperate attempts to make anything in the room demonstrate his fate to marry the waitress is always solid gold. She’s working at the fair now – that’s lovely, because plumbers and fair workers go well together. It’s a testament to the five actors’ wonderful anti-chemistry that they’ve fundamentally been doing the same thing for five years now and it’s still always funny whenever they flatly rejects him.
Things disintegrate in the finish because Frank tries to upset the system, leapfrogging Mac and convincing Dennis’ recent love (a  pharmacist lady) that “she’s got the AIDS, massive time.” Somehow, it doesn’t work – maybe it’s the shortage of subtlety in his performance as Dr. Toboggan, fake physician to Dennis’ fake grandmother, some elderly crank who reminisces about lesbianism in her family’s history. Charlie tries to arrange for a carnie to stab the waitress so her can save her, but Dee accidentally gets the key to the chest (which, for us the viewer, is the best feasible outcome).
Of all the horror in the final minutes, which features all the typical great-Sunny-denouement hallmarks like overlapping dialogue and peculiar costumes, I loved Dennis’ horror at his system being misused the most. Why couldn’t Charlie understand that they ought to have let the waitress get stabbed in a major artery and come moments from death? THAT’S the way you woo a woman.