Want a rock star lifestyle? Nope, me neither.

rock star

rock star

Much of the PUA community seems to focus on getting a rockstar type lifestyle. Rollin’ up to some high end club with 10 girls in tow, sitting at a private VIP table, drinking expensive champagne and having an after-party until the wee hours at some penthouse. This sounds great, but I have found that a lot of guys, including myself, have absolutely no desire to live this kind of life.

So what happens to us regular joes who just want to meet a nice girl and have a long-term relationship? Are we just boring? If so will learning PUA skills help or hurt our success with finding a chick that we are compatible with?

The best question to ask yourself is what you want. Some men do want to go out and live a rock star life, and that is fine. Learning seduction is certainly going to help you to achieve this to some degree. I however have a different take on this. I don’t really like bars, I don’t drink much, I don’t like hang out with people who go to clubs, I not a fan of staying out late and I like to get up the next day and do things rather than feel hungover. I like more boring activities such as exploring nature, chilling with friends, going to concerts and events, organising seminars and workshops, drinking nice coffee and working out. Hardly rock and roll, but I like it.

rock star pua

rock star pua

If you have recently got into the PUA community and are now thinking that you have to go out to bars and clubs to meet women, then rest assured that this is not the case. If you are looking to kiss and f-close girls, then yes going out to these types of venues are your best bet. But if you are looking for a relationship, then I advise using the PUA skills you learn to use in other places.

One thing you can never avoid is going out and talking to girls. You do not learn social skills and game by sitting and home and reading articles like this. You learn it by going out and being with people, the right sort of people. I truly believe that inner game and confidence is built upon success rather than this weird notion that we have to go out and fail 99%. I don’t like failing at things and I try to avoid it when possible. I like to plan things then put them into action.

If you are looking to make a genuine connection with a chick then you are going to have patience. Love at first sight is very rare, instead love usually takes a while to develop through spending time with someone. I have found that the vast majority of people I know in relationships met their partners in one of 4 ways. Those ways of meeting were; educational facility (school, university, college etc), social circle (friends or friends of friends), at work or through a shared hobby or passion. I don’t know many people in relationships who met their partner in a bar or club.

If you are not in education, have exhausted your social circle and there is no one at work that suits you, then you need to look at taking up some new interests and hobbies. If you continue to spend your time with the same people then you are not likely to get any different results. You need to look at what you are doing, the results it is getting you and how you can make changes.

I worked with a client a few months ago who wanted to get back into a relationship. He is a rather quite guy, works in finance and enjoys nothing more than long country walks and cooking. He was rather disheartened with his pick up results as he was meeting loud and obnoxious women who weren’t his type. To be fair he was going to dingy crap clubs and meeting very drunk women. He doesn’t like clubbing, he should never have been in that environment.

When it comes to meeting people you are likely to have a connection with, you need to focus your efforts. My favourite resource is www.meetup.com. There are other similar websites such as City Socialising and Spice. These sites are like portals, a place where you can meet people with similar interests. You can also read your weekly entertainment listings as well as checking online directories.

My best advice is to get known within some sort of scene instead of just going to general events. One guy emailed me last week to say he is going out 4 times a week but unable to build a solid social circle. He is going to singles events and after work drinks type of stuff, so there is not much substance to hold the group together. To get the best results you need to think about a scene or something more substantial to get interested and involved in.

What is important is that whatever you decide to do, you should be doing it through interest and not just to meet women. If you current go to places you don’t really enjoy just to meet girls, than this will shine through. Guys who go to salsa classes are a classic example of this. If you have a genuine interest in something then this will shine through and real and genuine connections can be made, not only with potential partners but new guy friends too.

Some great activities that I have found to work really well with guys who I have monitored over the years include;

Classes and courses. Everything from learning a new language to self development seminars.

Arts and crafts. Taking up photography, painting, dancing and other creative activities.

Music. Either playing an instrument or going to see gigs. People bond effortlessly over music especially when it is a love of the same kind e.g. ska, rap, acoustic etc. The more niche the better.

Charity/volunteer work. Getting involved with some sort of charity activity or event. Sponsored runs and events always bring people together.

Sport. Getting involved with a sport or outdoor pursuit helps to unite people.

If you are not a fan of bars and clubs then I advise to stay out of them. Focus your attention on meeting people in places where you are going to have a real reason to talk and let the connection form more naturally over a longer period of time.

Please remember, you meet very few people if you don’t leave your house. The women and the lifestyle you desire are not going to come and find you.